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Healing After Heartbreak
We’ve all been there in some way before. They broke your heart, or you broke theirs and now it’s time to heal and move on with your life. Here are 11 Actionable Steps to help you in getting over your Ex.
Step 1 - Survive
Sometimes heartbreak literally feels like you are dying. Trust me, I know the feeling all too well. But the first actionable step in moving past the pain is to just feel it and survive through it. If you can just take things one day at a time, or if that’s too much for you, even just one minute at a time, eventually the hurt will begin to subside.
Step 2 - Acceptance
Admitting The Truth To Yourself can be a little challenging, especially if you were in a toxic relationship that involved manipulation or gaslighting.
Tell yourself the truth of the situation. It wasn’t perfect, and sometimes we can over-romanticize a past relationship when we miss that person.
Remember why you broke up and commit to the decision. The past is the past. We have to accept it, and then we can move forward.
Step 3 - Mourn
We all are different and no one can better tell you how to heal past something besides yourself, but I can help guide you in figuring out how to navigate that internal compass of yours.
Treat yourself with kindness and allow yourself to mourn. Give yourself space to grieve as if someone very close to you has passed away, because in a way they have, at least their presence in your life has.
Don’t bottle up your feelings. Feel them. Cry. Laugh. Scream. Work through the emotion, do not stifle or shame them.
Step 4 - Clean It Up
Clean Up The Clutter.
Sometimes people allow their internal messiness effect their external cleanliness, and this is very common when someone experiences a very distressful life change so don’t feel bad if things got a little out of control for a while.
But make sure to clean your room, your home, and your working space.
Not to mention, your Social Media or whatever presence you may have online.
Go through your phone and archive any pictures or messages that you may have from that person, and get them out of your frame of vision. You don’t have to delete them forever, but you should not keep them easily accessible while you are moving through these stages.
This will help prepare you to clean up your body, your heart, and overall your Soul.
Step 5 - Shift Your Perspective
Your perspective can give you life or death, especially in situations like this. Understand that a relationship is a two way street and if your relationship wasn’t working for the both of you, then it wasn’t going to work.
You have to know in your heart that you are worthy and that you deserve to be loved in the ways that you want to be loved. And so does that other person.
Being optimistic for a better future can help move you through the sting of regret from the past.
Step 6 - No Contact
There is a vital importance to the “no contact” rule when trying to move past a once romantic relationship.
If you constantly interact with someone you know you need to move on from, then you won’t feel the gravity of not having them in your life and neither will they.
Staying “accessible” allows room for you to backslide into an even more toxic version of a “situation-ship” where disrespect or worse can happen.
If you miss talking to them, write them a letter, every day if you have to, but don’t actually message them. After you have moved on you can burn the letters or just keep them to see how much you have grown. Doing little daily practices like this can truly help in moments of helplessness.
Step 7 - Nourish Yourself
You need to be taking extra care of your body right now. Even though you might be inclined to binge drink and order all the junk food that’s on the menu right now, it’s important to do the opposite. Feed yourself good, healthy foods and do things to make yourself feel wonderful.
Go outside and soak in the sun. Go for a long walk or a bike ride. Get into nature. Go to the gym. You need to be moving your body and loving it. Get your workout on!
Step 8 - Refocus on the GOODS
Laugh. Find your joy. Love yourself. Meditate. Focus on all the things that you enjoy doing in life.
If you love to dance, go take a dance class. If you love cars, go to a car show. If you are an animal lover, go pet some puppies at an animal shelter.
Get involved in a community. Plug yourself into a church or a club or a support group. Spend your energy and time on people and places that fill you with goodness.
Remember all the things you loved to do before you got into a relationship and rededicate time to experiencing and enjoying those things. You deserve it!
Step 9 - Think about What YOU want
This is a great time for you to remember who you really are, and discover more and new things about yourself that you might not have known before.
Ask yourself what do you really want in life? What are your dreams and goals, wishes or aspirations?
This is a great time to really look in the mirror and see the person looking back at you for who they really are and accepting and loving them as such.
Step 10 - Forgive
Forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things for a person to do, especially if there was a betrayal or lost of trust involved. However, forgiveness is the key to unlocking freedom and true peace.
Holding onto harbored hate or anger only hurts yourself in the end. It keeps you from being able to feel peace or lasting joy.
Forgive them for what they did. For the expectations they didn’t meet. For the disappointments and the lies… Forgive them.
And forgive yourself. You deserve to be free from the shame, regret, and pain of all the “shoulda coulda woulda’s” that replay over and over in your head.
Let that stuff go. And allow yourself to be forgiven. Allow them to be forgiven.
Step 11 - Let Them Go & Move On
Appreciate the time that you had together, for as little or as long as it was and truly have gratitude for it. When we have gratitude for the doors that open and gratitude for the doors that close, then we are able to exist in a grateful and happy life no matter what things may come or go.
Letting go of people, places, or things that we hold dear to our hearts is never an easy thing to do, but in this life it is something we must learn.
Tomorrow is never promised.
When we savor the moments in our present to the best of our ability and truly enjoy, appreciate, and love with our whole hearts, then we allow ourselves to feel life to its highest degree.
Thank them in your heart for your time together and let them go in love. This is truly the best way to move forward towards new love and new opportunities.
I hope this article has been helpful for you and you know that you are not alone. I know you may feel lonelier than ever right now, but have comfort in knowing that if other people can survive this then so can you.
As a heartbreak survivor myself, I know the aches that bellow in the pit of your stomach that make you feel physically ill. I know the suffering you are going through and the frustration. Know that in time this too shall pass and you will find yourself in a new stage of your life with new people and new opportunities.
I’m so happy that you are doing the research that you need to in order to move past this. I hope you are excited for your healing and that every day gets just a little bit easier. Remember, you got this!
With all my love,
Vivian
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